These days, people pay for their weddings in a myriad of different ways. For some, the bride’s parents foot the bill. For others, both parents contribute. However, for a larger and larger percentage of couples, it’s the brides and grooms themselves who pay for the festivities – about 30% in 2011[i]. There is no right or wrong approach in 2012.
However, there was a time when traditional etiquette dictated who paid for what. I recently came across a couple different lists that outlined all the expenses of getting married and who should pay for what. I imagine most modern couples are flexible and not expecting to stick to such a stringent list of guidelines, but that being said, I still found it interesting to read.
For example, you can probably guess that the “Bride’s Father” (always indicated as the father in these lists, naturally) is traditionally responsible for the bulk of the wedding expenses. After all, women used to come with a “dowry” that would consist of various amounts of money or property to be passed to her husband on marriage, and this tradition likely is an extension of that. So, according to etiquette, the Bride’s Father pays for the ceremony and all the reception expenses, among other things.
However, some things do traditionally fall on the Groom or the Groom’s Father’s shoulders. I was surprised to learn that according to these “rules”, the Groom pays for things like the Bride’s bouquet, boutonnieres for the groomsmen, the marriage license, and the honeymoon. Additionally, and I think this is still pretty common among couples splitting the wedding costs in a traditional way, the Groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner.
In our contemporary reality, it seems that these rules are hopelessly out of date. Sure – a Bride’s parents may still want to host the wedding, and that’s great. A Groom’s parents may want to host the rehearsal dinner – wonderful! However, couples should go into their wedding planning with a flexible mindset. If both sets of parents want to contribute to all events, why turn that down? Also, as couples get married later in their twenties and early thirties, it’s reasonable to assume that they would take on a large percentage of the costs themselves.
Etiquette certainly still has a place in this world – and certainly in wedding planning. Nonetheless, there’s a difference between modern etiquette and out-dated rules based on things like the assumption that women belong to their fathers or their husbands, and come pre-packaged with a “bride price”!
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