Bridesmaid Gift Ideas

It's customary to give a little something to your bridesmaids to thank them for their support for you throughout the wedding planning process and big day.

To give you some ideas, here are a few things that I certainly wouldn't mind receiving:

Diptyque Baies (Black Currant & Rose) Candle

Alexis Bittar Bel Air Gunmetal Twisted Bangle

Kate Spade Twirl Eau de Parfum

How Many Bridesmaids?

Wedding etiquette has certainly changed over the years, and while there used to be pretty strict guidelines about the size of the wedding party, they really aren't adhered to anymore. I've been to 200+ weddings with two bridesmaids, and 100 person weddings with 8 bridesmaids. There's no one-size-fits-all rule anymore... at least, not one that people abide by!

Couldn't have done it without these three!

I'm actually an advocate for the "less is more" approach when it comes to your wedding party, for many reasons. Traditionally, you would have three bridesmaids for the first 150 guests, and then add on an additional bridesmaid for each additional 50. I still think that's a good starting place, plus or minus a couple, and I'll explain why:

1) It's more special. When I got married, I chose 3 bridesmaids who were important people to me from different parts of my life. One was my sister, one was my childhood best friend, and one was my closest friend from college and beyond. These three women represented different times and places in my life, and I liked the meaning behind that. There's a special honor to being someone's bridesmaid, and having an intimate group keeps it that way.

2) It's more practical. The smaller your wedding party, the less people you have to manage. Ultimately, this means less complications with choosing dresses & accessories, arranging travel, coordinating schedules, etc. Also, have you ever heard of the term "herding cats"? On the day of your wedding, getting all your bridesmaids in one spot for photos, etc. becomes increasing difficult with size... especially once the champagne starts flowing.

3) It's easier to select. I know that some people would say that having 12 bridesmaids makes it easier, because maybe that's how many really close girlfriends you have. However, I think it's easier to stick with a small group. For example, for me, picking one college friend was easier than picking two. I could pick one - she was my roommate for most of college and my closest friend - but two? How could I choose! If I chose one another friend, I'd feel bad about not choosing another. Once you've picked two college friends, the flood gates are open, and before you know it all 6 of your college besties plus your sisters plus anyone else important in your life are in your bridal party.

Of course, this is just my take. Ultimately, I think every bride should do what makes them most comfortable and happy on their big day. If having 12 maids is what you want, go for it! However, if you're on the fence and unsure about what might work best for you, I say: start small.

The Guest List: Part Two

Once you have your guest list “rules” set, and your maximum number of invitees determined, you can start building your Master Guest List. You’re going to want an Excel workbook for this one – it’s a doozy.

The fact is, weddings are generally family events. That means that not only will you and your spouse-to-be be coming up with lists of your nearest and dearest to invite, it also means both your parents are going to want to have some input as well.

Let’s say you have a pretty traditional family framework where you and your significant other both have one set of parents. Create a tab on your spreadsheet for you, your partner, your parents, and their parents. On each tab, create the following columns: Guest Names, Number, Attending?, and Priority.

Guest names (first and last) and number (how many per invite) are self-explanatory. As is Attending? – a yes or no will suffice here and help you keep track of guest numbers as responses come in. Priority is part of the initial planning process, however. This is where you must determine your A, B, and C invitees.

Inevitably, when you first put together your lists, you will be over your allotted number of attendees. Having everyone designate their guests by A (must invite), B (would like to invite), and C (want to invite only if there’s room). You should specify to everyone that A’s should be limited to family members and very close friends – the people that you couldn’t imagine not being there. The majority of your guests will fall into groups B and C.

It will help everyone if you give them a general number to shoot for in terms of invitees. For example, if you’re shooting for a 150 person wedding, allot the two of you 75 guests, and split the difference remaining between your parents. Or, just go for it… the next step is trimming the guest list, anyway!

Next up: Trimming the Guest List and Other Tips

Previously: The Guest List - Part One

The Guest List: Part One

After the big picture budget decisions have been made, and perhaps after you’ve selected your wedding venue, the next important step is to determine your guest list. Doing this early on in the wedding planning process will ensure you don’t have to make any uncomfortable decisions later on when you realize that you’ve over-invited for your budget or the restrictions of your venue space!

We’ll  break the Guest List question into three separate posts, because, frankly, it’s a big process. First, we have to go back to the budget question – this is where your guest lists begins and ends. The bulk of your budget, if you remember from our previous posts, will be spent on food and beverage, so it’s this number that we’ll use as a starting point.

You’ll need to do a little preliminary research to figure this out. Caterers will price out food & beverage per person, so if you have an idea of what per person amount you’re looking to spend, that can help you determine your guest list number. Alternatively, if you don’t have that number in mind, take your overall Catering budget and divide it by the number of people you think you’d like to invite. Where does that leave you? Just know that the more people you invite, the smaller this number will become… and the less flexibility you will have with your caterer.

Another factor to take into consideration is your venue space. If you’ve already signed a contract for a particular venue, they most likely have outlined the limitations, in terms of number of people for different types of events, of their space. For example, for a seated dinner reception, a space may be able to fit 150 people. However, this number may increase if you’re only looking to do a cocktails & appetizers event with passed food and limited seating. Either way, this will set the upper threshold of how many people you can invite.

There are a few other general decisions you should make right off the bat, before even writing down any names. Some suggestions:

1)      Will you be inviting children? If not, will some children be included (i.e., your immediate nieces / nephews or flower girls / ring bearers?)

2)      Will you be inviting co-workers? If so, where do you draw the line? A good rule of thumb is usually not to invite anyone you don’t socialize with outside of the office.

3)      Will you be inviting plus-ones for everyone? If someone is in a long-term relationship, you should invite their significant other, even if they aren’t married or engaged. However, what about other single guests? Will it differ by person (i.e., will single members of your bridal party get an “and guest” invite, but not other attendees?)

Once you’ve got a general number and your “rules” established as a baseline, you can start creating lists of actual people to invite! 

Next up: Determining your Master List and Prioritizing Guests

Who Pays for What, Traditionally

These days, people pay for their weddings in a myriad of different ways. For some, the bride’s parents foot the bill. For others, both parents contribute. However, for a larger and larger percentage of couples, it’s the brides and grooms themselves who pay for the festivities – about 30% in 2011[i]. There is no right or wrong approach in 2012.

However, there was a time when traditional etiquette dictated who paid for what. I recently came across a couple different lists that outlined all the expenses of getting married and who should pay for what. I imagine most modern couples are flexible and not expecting to stick to such a stringent list of guidelines, but that being said, I still found it interesting to read.

For example, you can probably guess that the “Bride’s Father” (always indicated as the father in these lists, naturally) is traditionally responsible for the bulk of the wedding expenses. After all, women used to come with a “dowry” that would consist of various amounts of money or property to be passed to her husband on marriage, and this tradition likely is an extension of that. So, according to etiquette, the Bride’s Father pays for the ceremony and all the reception expenses, among other things.

However, some things do traditionally fall on the Groom or the Groom’s Father’s shoulders. I was surprised to learn that according to these “rules”, the Groom pays for things like the Bride’s bouquet, boutonnieres for the groomsmen, the marriage license, and the honeymoon. Additionally, and I think this is still pretty common among couples splitting the wedding costs in a traditional way, the Groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner.

In our contemporary reality, it seems that these rules are hopelessly out of date. Sure – a Bride’s parents may still want to host the wedding, and that’s great. A Groom’s parents may want to host the rehearsal dinner – wonderful! However, couples should go into their wedding planning with a flexible mindset. If both sets of parents want to contribute to all events, why turn that down? Also, as couples get married later in their twenties and early thirties, it’s reasonable to assume that they would take on a large percentage of the costs themselves.

Etiquette certainly still has a place in this world – and certainly in wedding planning. Nonetheless, there’s a difference between modern etiquette and out-dated rules based on things like the assumption that women belong to their fathers or their husbands, and come pre-packaged with a “bride price”!

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[i] Brides Magazine